I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
