I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize