Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
