Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
