how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
