Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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