Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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