5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
