Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
