Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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