Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
