I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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