the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
