it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
