just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
