a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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