I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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