This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
