Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
