And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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