never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
