Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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