All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
