a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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