This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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