apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
