i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
