just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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