I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
