I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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