Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
