is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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