dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
