It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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