Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
