Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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