She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
