And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
