My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
