I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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