I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
