The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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