I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
