He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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