Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
