I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
