My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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