Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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