My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize