How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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