In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So many bounce houses so little time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
