apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
