i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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